Effective mentors and mentees
use good manners with each other. Mentoring protocol is a combination
of good social and business etiquette.
To see how you measure up, read the following situations, and
indicate what you’d do. Check the suggested answers at the
end, knowing that they reflect only the values of our organization,
The Mentoring Group.
- Mentor doesn’t return five messages left by the mentee
over a two-week period.
a. Mentee should keep trying and not say anything.
b. Mentee should give up and find another mentor.
c. Mentee should keep trying and express concern when they finally
do connect.
- Mentee misses an appointment and doesn’t call to explain.
a. Mentor should end the relationship.
b. Mentor should wait for the mentee to make another appointment
and express concern when they finally do get together.
c. Mentor should call the mentee as soon as feasible and express
concern.
- Mentor misses an appointment with the mentee and doesn’t
call to explain.
a. Mentee should call the mentor as soon as feasible to find
out what happened and reschedule.
b. Mentee should wait for the mentor to call.
c. Mentee should assume the mentor had an important reason and
not say anything.
- Mentee buys the mentor an expensive gift.
a. Mentor should thank the mentee with a handwritten note.
b. Mentor should refuse the gift and point out its inappropriateness.
c. Mentor should discuss the situation with the mentee, make
a strong effort to have the mentee take the gift back, yet defer
this time if the mentee insists.
- In their first meeting, the mentee asks to visit the mentor
and his/her family at the mentor’s home.
a. Mentor should thank the mentee for the idea and say it’s
a future possibility.
b. Mentor should agree and invite the mentee for the soonest
date possible.
c. Mentor should say this isn’t an appropriate thing to
do in mentoring relationships.
- Mentor gives advice that isn’t relevant to the mentee’s
needs.
a. Mentee should let the mentor know that this advice isn’t
relevant.
b. Mentee should follow the advice.
c. Mentee should thank the mentor and say he/she will consider
this advice in making the decision.
- Mentor strongly criticizes mentee in front of mentee’s
coworkers.
a. Mentee should defend himself/herself in order to demonstrate
strength and power to the group.
b. Mentee should get through the incident and then confront
the mentor later.
c. Mentee should chalk it up as a painful learning experience.
- In their first meeting, mentee disagrees with mentor’s
views on a topic.
a. Mentee should act as if he/she agrees with the views.
b. Mentee should let the mentor know where he/she is wrong.
c. Mentee should delay comments until later.
- Mentee disagrees with mentor’s ethics on a recent or
planned action.
a. Mentee should say nothing.
b. Mentee should report the action to the mentee’s superior.
c. Mentee should confront the mentor before going to a superior.
- Mentor asks a new mentee to do a personal task (e.g., go
grocery shopping for mentor’s family).
a. Mentee should do the task cheerfully.
b. Mentee should point out that this seems a little unusual
but he/she is willing to do it this time if the mentor is in
a bind.
c. Mentee should do the task but indicate with body language
that this is inappropriate.
- Mentee invites mentor to lunch at which the check arrives.
a. Mentor should pay the check.
b. Mentee should pay the check.
c. Both should wait and see who goes first.
- Mentee frequently interrupts the mentor in their conversations.
a. Mentor should let it go since it’s the mentee’s
style.
b. Mentor should comment on the behavior and discuss options.
c. Mentor should ask the mentee’s supervisor to point
out this behavior to the mentee.
Suggested answers: 1-c, 2-c, 3-a, 4-c (or possibly b), 5-a, 6-c,
7-b, 8-c, 9-c, 10-b, 11-b (at least offer), 12-b.
For more information on mentoring partnerships and programs,
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