You’ve probably heard by now that mentees, not mentors, should manage and even initiate mentoring relationships. Unlike in earlier decades, mentees no longer have to wait to be invited into these important partnerships.

But what if a potential mentor approaches you and suggests that the two of you meet together to work on your career, character, or some other important area of your life? Should you tell him or her that times have changed and that you’ll be the one issuing such invitations? Definitely not! Instead, be glad for your good fortune, recognize that you have several options, and perhaps offer one of these responses.

1. Yes, thank you!

If you've admired him or her for a while, and know for a fact that you can gain from this relationship, go for it. Remember that you can benefit from as little as an hour a month contact time with a mentor.

If you have at least an hour available (plus another two or more hours to try out development activities on your own), you can do this. In addition, if you already admire this person, and if he/she has skills, knowledge, character, or perspective that you lack and need, you’ll be smart to seize the opportunity. Say yes before this mentor changes his/her mind!

2. Thanks! Perhaps we could get together a few times and see if we’re a good fit.

If you’re fairly sure this is an opportunity you’d like and yet have some hesitancy, propose a “trial run” of two or three meetings to see if both of you are satisfied. To be even more sure, add some of the comments from the next response option.

3. What a kind offer. Let’s talk about it.

If you don’t know this potential mentor very well or at all or aren’t sure you can picture the partnership, stall a little. Be positive and receptive as you probe to find out a few things.

Consider comments such as these: What made you approach me for this opportunity? How do you picture this working? What would you like from me to make it a good partnership? What have your past mentees done that made you glad you helped them? I’m pleased that you asked and would just like to think about your generous offer. May I give you an answer in two days?

4. I’m flattered, and yet I can’t commit.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, this invitation isn’t going to work for you, at least not right now. Perhaps you already have a couple of strong mentors and you’re challenged to keep up with those meetings and agreements. Or maybe your schedule is full and this is no time to add another thing.

You may have reservations about the person’s intent or style, although you’ll be wise to experiment with a variety of potential helpers with styles vastly different from your own. However, now and then, you have to rely on your intuition and say No or at least Not Now. Always do this with kindness, show respect, and keep the mentoring door open for a possible next time.

Final Thoughts

Become a person that others want to mentor. In other words, if you demonstrate that you enjoy learning and succeeding, work hard, are open to ideas from others, and are appreciative of the kindnesses of colleagues and strangers, you’ll be directly (and indirectly) approached by potential mentors. Your problem will be handling more invitations than you can handle!

For more ideas on being an effective mentee, see our Products and Archive.