One of the most common questions we get from people who want to be mentored is, “How can I find the right mentor?” When we talk further, we learn they’re procrastinating about entering mentoring relationships because they haven’t found the “ideal” mentor yet.

They’ve been advised to choose a mentor who has a “compatible style” with theirs plus a number of other assets (e.g., is a good listener, has a high sense of integrity, genuinely cares about me as a person, and has plenty of time available). As terrific as it would be to find a willing mentor with all of these qualities, it’s often smart to dive in and start working with a mentor who may initially not seem like the perfect match.

Our challenge to you this month is to look at your “mentor pool” in new ways. Here are some ideas.

1.  Instead of seeking a mentor in your same location, consider finding a “remote” mentor, someone who lives or works in another organization, city, state, or even country.

Be willing to receive your mentoring by phone, e-mail, letters, and faxes. Remember that you’re seeking help with your development from someone who has expertise, experience, confidence, or contacts you don’t have. Yes, it’s great to have face-to-face contact, but good mentoring doesn’t require it. If you possibly can, arrange to get together in person once or twice, but enjoy what you can learn long distance.

2. Purposely choose a mentor who differs from you in gender, culture, ethnic group, and/or work specialty. Make this a powerful experience in how to learn from and get along with your opposite. Ask this “non-soulmate” for honest feedback on your approach to situations and how you come across. Have this mentor teach you his/her equally effective (or better) ways of doing things, and withhold your temptation to discount those strategies (as we’re all tempted to do). Do everything you can to learn about his/her world. Commit to respect and laugh together about each other’s similarities and differences.

3.  Take a risk and get mentoring from someone who has a very different interpersonal or cognitive style from yours.

If you’re sensitive and cautious, link up with someone who is blunt and not particularly good at reading or being careful about your feelings. Use this chance to practice managing your feelings and reactions. If you’re a logical, very linear thinker, find someone who approaches challenges in more nonlinear, right-brained ways.

4.  Instead of seeking the mentor with generous amounts of time available for you, work with a very busy mentor who can only spare minutes at each meeting.

Provided this mentor has at least some time available and is willing to spend it on you, see what you can gain from this kind of experience. Learn to prioritize, seize the most important help in those moments, and run with a few gems of wisdom.

Should you choose a very busy mentor 2,000 miles away who is blunt, short on praise and quick to tell you what you’re doing wrong? Maybe. Maybe not. But at least consider him/her for one of your mentoring experiences PROVIDED the potential for your learning is great. Gain what you can, practice your confronting and negotiating skills, and move on to other mentors when you sense the time is right.

For more ideas on being an effective mentee, see our Products and Archive.