Every once in awhile, it’s good to pause and look once again at the basics of being an effective mentee. Since it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere, and our schedules are a little more relaxed now, this seems like a good time for us to do a refresher. Those of you “down under” may want to skip this article (and Part 2 next month) or squeeze in the time in your busy schedules to do a mini-tuneup.

This is a reminder just to be sure you haven’t gotten blocked in some complicated aspects of mentoring to the detriment of what you really want to and should be doing.

1. Recognize that mentoring is ONE key development tool.

Mentors are truly valuable helpers. They can save you time plus inspire, teach, and encourage you. They can be excellent role models for what you want to do and become. At the same time, you can also learn from many other sources. It may seem obvious, but you may do better taking a short course, reading a book, hiring a coach for a few sessions, using self-reflection, or talking through issues with a professional counselor or a trusted friend. Consider one or more mentors as part of your overall personal development strategy.

2. Always think “what” before “whom.”

It’s always tempting to think of whom you’d like as your mentor, especially if you’ve run into someone you think would be extremely helpful. However, before you identify whom, think about what you want to learn and develop in yourself. Only when you have a pretty strong idea of what skills, knowledge, or attitudes/perspectives you want to gain or grow are you ready to approach (or accept invitations from) people who could help you do this.

3. Don’t wait for the ideal mentor.

Far too much has been written and said about finding the “right” mentor. Articles and speakers advise you to match your style with the style of your mentor candidates or with their personalities…or to be sure they have strong people skills. The truth is that all of us can learn and stretch from less than ideal mentors. In fact, sometimes the best lesson to learn is how to be flexible and to PULL the learning we need even from mentors who aren’t especially skilled at mentoring. In short, identify a variety of potential mentors, and gain what you can from each of them.

4. Expect to lead or at least manage the relationship.

No longer can you expect mentors to initiate and manage the relationships, direct you in what to do, and think of creative learning experiences for you. The trend now is for mentees (you) to guide and direct the process. Usually your mentors will expect and welcome this role reversal. Others will be surprised and even push back when you try to do it. Be sure to discuss roles early in your relationships. Ask directly if your mentors mind if you take the lead, assume responsibility for setting up meetings, and otherwise keep everything on track. Even as the manager, be sensitive to good mentoring protocol, which calls for you to honor your mentors’ needs and schedules as much as possible and to show them regular sincere appreciation.

5. Negotiate several factors, especially time and expectations.

In addition to discussing roles (in #4 above), come to agreement on several other aspects of your relationships. These can include what’s confidential; how long and often you’ll meet; how much you can phone or e-mail between your regular mentoring sessions; what you can discuss with others outside your relationship; how you’ll handle conflicts or disagreements between you; and other matters. Mention the kind of feedback that helps you most, and check to see if your mentors are open to feedback from you.

See you next month for Part 2!

For more ideas on being an effective mentee, see our Products (especially The Mentee’s Guide and "Strategies for Getting the Mentoring You Need") and Archive.