One of the greatest truths about mentoring is that mentees want it. They know that the right mentoring at the right time can make a huge positive difference in their lives, educations, and careers.

Rarely do we run into mentoring programs that have trouble finding enthusiastic mentees. However, we do see mentees who, despite their eagerness to link up with mentors, don’t know what they should do once they land willing helpers. In organizations large and small, we see mentors who aren’t sure what their mentees want and mentees who don’t know how to go beyond their initial get-acquainted meeting.

This isn’t an article about how to write concrete goals, even though you’ll be happier with your mentoring relationships (and accomplish much more) when you identify some. As you read this, I want you simply to think.

Setting specific mentoring goals can be daunting. You probably don’t want to ask for too much…or too little. You don’t want to waste your mentors’ time…or your own. Maybe you don’t want to get specific because you know you’ll change your mind next month. Fair enough. But push yourself to at least think of general areas and possibilities to propose. Your mentors are probably very good at saying no, and it won’t be bad if you change your mind next month.

Consider Development “Areas”

The sky’s the limit here; but let’s explore a few possibilities. You can work on just about anything with your mentors, although you may have some restrictions if you’re in a formal program at work. For example, some work-based programs prefer that you don’t spend much mentoring time on finding fun leisure pursuits, or addressing other personal issues that explicitly are not work/job/career related. On the other hand, you and your mentors might discuss including them in the context of work-life balance.

It may help to divide up your life into areas. For example, you have all these sides of you:

• Social
• Physical
• Intellectual
• Emotional
• Spiritual
• Career (which may combine several of the others)

In which areas are you thriving? Where are you open for growth? What’s keeping you up at night? What would make you excited every morning?

Are you doing well in an area and yet could use some mentoring to do even better? For example, a mentee said, “My career’s going well in general, but I’d like to be better at reading other people’s feelings.” Another remarked, “What I need right now is some discipline. I start out on tasks and projects, but I end up procrastinating. Could a mentor help with that?” (The answer, by the way, is yes.)

Or would you like to develop your spiritual side? We’re seeing more and more individuals who want to grow in this area, which includes not only figuring out their beliefs about God and what happens after they die but also clarifying their purposes in life and how they might live in ways compatible with their personal convictions.

Do you want to delve deeper into the career area? Said one mentee: “I’m not sure I should stay at this place much longer. I want a mentor who can be frank with me and help me decide if I should make the break now at this point in my life.” And another stated: “I’d like to consider getting out of my technical area and going into management, but I don’t know if that’s a good choice for me.”

As a rule of thumb, try to focus on only one or two areas at a time. Once you’re into your mentoring relationships, you can always add more and/or drop others.

Examples of Focus

Within the general development areas are specific topics, knowledge, skills, feelings, and activities just waiting to be pursued. Based on recent interviews with several mentees, we share this partial list of ideas to consider as you’re identifying your own preferences.

• Intellectual and skill development, further learning/education/training
• Emotional and social intelligence, increasing courage, reducing fear, recognizing others’ emotional signals
• Character development in areas such as resiliency, handling difficult times and bouncing back
• Work-life balance, managing your time and priorities
• Health and fitness
• Communication styles, moving among styles
• Challenging bosses, peers, customers, and others
• Future career paths and opportunities

This is only a small list of what you can work on with your mentors, but maybe these ideas inspire you to think bigger, wider, deeper, or at least differently. Take time now to think about your future. Go to our Archive and click on Creating or Revising Your Personal Vision (Tool 1). Once you have some compelling ideas in mind, then start to write down your specific mentoring goals and a plan to reach them.

For more ideas on being an effective mentee, read the other articles in the Archive, and consider ordering one or more of the publications listed in Products.