Far too often, organizations expect experienced managers and others to mentor without preparing them for the role. Many mentors, perhaps including yourself, aren’t quite sure they’re on track. Here are some basics to review to see if your thinking and actions are similar to valuable practices discovered by others.

1.  Have a good rationale for being (or not being) a mentor.

Think carefully about why you’re saying yes (or no) to the opportunity of mentoring someone. Good reasons to say yes: you have some time available and an urge to invest it in one or more people; you genuinely enjoy helping someone develop; you want to ”pay back” your own mentors for the good help you received; you’d like to share what you’ve learned in life; you have a wish to leave a legacy which makes a positive difference. Good reasons to say no: you have too much on your schedule; you’re tired or close to burning out right now; you feel uneasy or unprepared to partner with a particular person; you feel you “should” since your peers are doing it.

2.  Don’t say “Yes” or “No” too quickly.

Before agreeing or disagreeing to participate, work on your rationale (see #1 above) and probe for more information. Tell me why you think having a mentor will be useful for you. Why have you approached me in particular? What would you like to develop in yourself? How would you picture our relationship working? What’s been helpful in past mentoring relationships you’ve had? May I have 24 (or 48) hours to consider your request? If you want to go ahead but still aren’t sure the relationship will thrive, propose a trial run of say a month to see if you’ll be a good fit for each other.

3.  Recognize all you have to offer.

Many prospective mentors don’t believe they have much to contribute to potential mentees. Accept the fact that you have a wealth of experiences, skills, knowledge, lessons learned, and the priceless ability to consider mentees’ thoughts, goals, experiences, dilemmas, and questions as an “outsider” in their lives. You don’t have to be an expert, their teacher, or a person with answers. Your mentees are looking for listeners, sounding boards, encouragers, and people who are genuinely interested in helping them think through their options and make decisions.

4.  Negotiate several factors.

Rather than diving right into your relationships, talk with your mentees about expectations. Try negotiating these: how long the structured part of your relationship is likely to last, how often and where you’ll meet, what the mentees will work on in the way of goals and development activities, how you’ll give each other feedback, how you’ll handle disagreements between you, what is and isn’t confidential, how much (if anything) you’ll share with your mentees’ bosses and other people, and even more. Keep negotiating throughout your relationships and help your mentees do the same. Showing how negotiation can work is great mentoring!

5.  Help your mentees lead the process.

The new trend is for mentees (not mentors) to direct and manage the relationships. Some mentees are very comfortable with this arrangement and, in fact, push a little too hard. Help them learn sensitivity and protocol that they can use with you and future helpers. Others will be so shy that they’ll passively wait for you to suggest and do everything. Help them learn how to manage you, and reinforce them for taking those important steps.

6.  Encourage frequently.

One of the best things you can do is provide your mentees with positive feedback on their performance and character traits. One key way to do this is to use sincere phrases. “I believe in you.” “You can do it.” “You did a terrific job of explaining that complicated procedure to your client.” “I like the way you laugh at your children’s jokes.” “You’re a very honest individual.” These are just examples; you can think of dozens or even hundreds more. Research indicates that such positive reinforcement from a respected person (you) helps your mentees learn faster and better.

7.  Be ready to transition when it’s time.

Mentoring relationships go through phases, and when your mentees have learned a sufficient amount, it’s natural to transition into different arrangements. This is important for you and your mentees. Perhaps your relationships will go from formal/structured mentoring to informal mentoring. Perhaps they’ll turn into business friendships or even close personal friendships. Maybe you’ll become the mentee and your former mentees will mentor you in key areas. Anticipate these transitions, talk about them, and help them go smoothly. Even if your transition is what we call “Thanks and goodbye,” make it a positive, satisfying departure, leave the door open for future contact, and express appreciation for all you’ve gained.

For more ideas on being an effective mentor, check our Archive and Products (especially The Mentor’s Guide and 75 things to Do with Your Mentees).