Every once in awhile, it’s good to pause and look once again at the basics of being an effective mentor. Since it’s summer in the Northern Hemisphere, and our schedules are a little more relaxed now, this seems like a good time for us to do a refresher. Those of you “down under” might skip this article (and Part 2 next month) or squeeze in the time in your busy schedules to do a mini-tuneup.

This is a reminder just to be sure you haven’t gotten blocked in some complicated aspects of mentoring to the detriment of what you really
want to and should be doing.

1. Have a good rationale for being (or not being) a mentor.

Think carefully about why you’re saying yes (or no) to the opportunity of mentoring someone. Good reasons to say yes: you have some time available and an urge to invest it in one or more people; you genuinely enjoy helping someone develop; you want to “pay back” your own mentors for the good help you received; you’d like to share what you’ve learned in life; you have a wish to leave a legacy which makes a positive difference. Good reasons to say no: you have too much in your schedule; you’re tired or close to burning out right now; you feel uneasy or unprepared to partner with a particular person; you feel you “should” since your peers are doing it.

2. Don’t say “Yes” or “No” too quickly.

Before agreeing or declining to participate, work on your rationale (see #1 above), and probe for more information. Tell me why you think having a mentor will be useful for you. Why have you approached me in particular? What would you like to develop in yourself? How would you picture our relationship working? What’s been helpful in past mentoring relationships you’ve had? May I have 24 (or 48) hours to consider your request?. If you want to go ahead but still aren’t sure the relationship will thrive, propose a trial run of say three meetings to see if you’ll be a good fit for each other.

3. Recognize all you have to offer.

Many prospective mentors don’t believe they have much to contribute to potential mentees. Accept the fact that you have a wealth of experiences, skills, knowledge, lessons learned, and the priceless ability to consider mentees’ thoughts, goals, experiences, dilemmas, and questions as an objective “outsider” in their lives. You don’t have to be an expert, their teacher, or a person with answers. Your mentees are looking for listeners, sounding boards, encouragers, and people who are genuinely interested in helping them think through their options and make decisions.

4. Negotiate several factors.

Rather than diving right into your relationships, talk with your mentees about expectations. Try negotiating these: how long the structured part of your relationship is likely to last, how often and where you’ll meet, what the mentees will work on in the way of goals and development or learning activities, how you’ll give each other feedback, how you’ll handle disagreements between you, what is and isn’t confidential, how much (if anything) you’ll share with your mentees’ bosses and other people, and even more. Keep negotiating throughout your relationships and help your mentees do the same. Showing how negotiation can work is great mentoring.

See you next month for Part 2!

For more ideas on being an effective mentor, see our Products (especially The Mentor’s Guide and “75 Things to Do with Your Mentees”) and Archive.