Everyone has a life story, and almost everyone wants at least one other person to hear and care about that story.

Mentors have important life stories. In fact, those stories are probably some of the reasons they became mentors in the first place. They need to learn to recognize, reflect on, and learn from their stories and then be ready to invite the stories of those they mentor.

Mentees also have life stories, even when they’re young and their stories are short or just beginning. If they can learn to recognize, tell, and learn from these life tales, they’ll have a greater chance of receiving the help they need from mentors.

After looking over various methods, we’ve concluded there’s no one best way to compile and tell your story. We urge you to experiment until you find a process that fits and that you can teach to others.

1. Recognize what a “life story” is.

This is the story of your life—the telling of your unique, sometimes dramatic, sometimes mundane set of human experiences and their effect on you. It’s not a minute-by-minute diary, however. It’s the “big picture” of your life that you see as you step back, look closely at key details, and finally learn and grow from what you find.

2. Record your story.

Most people find it useful to put their story on paper. Find a big piece of white paper, turn it longwise, and in the middle draw a long horizontal line like this:

Day I was born •________________________________________ • Day I’ll die

Mark off each 5-year or 10-year period of your life. Thinking back over each period, recall significant factors that had a major effect on you during each time period. Use a pen, pencil, or colored pencils to plot any or all of the following:

• Key personal and historical events that affected you (e.g., a war, graduation)
• Important people who influenced you (e.g., grandparent, teacher, boss, friend)
• Significant decisions you made or actions you took (e.g., marriage, job in New York)
• Important spiritual moments (e.g., times of encountering God, forgiving someone)
• Other significant influences (e.g., an illness, accident, loss, or “prize” gained)

Move across your time periods and plot any of these factors that seem important to you. (Place positive or energizing factors above the line and energy-draining or negative factors below the line.) Write a word to symbolize each factor or make a little drawing or symbol to represent it. Some people dive into this project with bright colors and artsy flourish; others find simple words work just as well. Do whatever helps you recall your life story. The point isn’t to create an art project but to graphically diagram your life so you can take a clear look at it and perhaps share it with another. Don’t hurry. Take breaks and go back to your work as you remember other key times or people.

3. Reflect on and learn from your story.

This is the second most important part of your project. What do you see? What feelings come up as you look over all the factors? Does anything surprising jump out at you? Did you have times in your life when many important things and people affected you? Times that were rather quiet yet also important? Write notes on another sheet of paper or in a journal about what you learned from seeing your story portrayed. Prepare to share your story as a whole and also in significant “chapters.”

4. Share your story with another.

Find someone willing to listen to your story and to share his/her story with you. Agree to give each other full attention as you ask questions and clarify what you’re hearing. Decide if you’ll do the whole story, the abridged version, or just a chapter or two. Use your visual aid or not as you tell your tale. It’s up to you what to share or not share.

As a mentor, share parts of your story that could help your mentees see your struggles, successes, and lessons learned. As a mentee, use your story to help your mentors understand how you were shaped and influenced. As they listen to your story, they’ll see how you think, analyze, and feel about experiences and be better able to guide your next steps.

5. Decide how you can influence the next chapters of your story.

To us at The Mentoring Group, this is the most important part of your project. It’s time to ask, “So what?” “What next?” How can you take what you’ve learned and experienced up to now and begin to craft a vision and goals for the next period of your life? If you’re not sure, how could your mentoring relationships help you do this? Mentors can be invaluable helpers as you make plans for your days ahead. As a mentor, you can continue to learn from your mentees. They can help you determine how to “finish well.”

Let us know how you’re using life stories in mentoring. We’d like to share your ideas with others. For more resources on mentoring, see our Archive and Products.