We thought you’d find it interesting to hear what
various mentors ask us all the time...along with our
typical responses. Maybe you have some of these
questions on your mind.

1. “What do I have to offer a mentee? What would a mentee be interested in learning or getting from me?”

This is a good question, and the answer may take some exploring on both your parts. If you’re mentoring youth, the answer is usually your time, patience, sincere attention, encouragement, and caring about them as people. Your expertise doesn’t matter as much as your willingness to do enjoyable activities together and your enthusiasm for the relationship.

On the other hand, adult mentees can be choosy or unclear in what they want. Usually an adult potential mentee approaches you because of your expertise on a topic or because of your status in a group. The person wants to learn from you, become more like you, or meet people that you know. If this is the case, talk about his/her goals and expectations. What exactly does this potential mentee observe in you that’s of interest? What objectives does he/she want to reach? If you sense that you could be a good match but neither of you is certain about objectives, spend some time talking about what you’ve done in your life and what you know. Let the mentee see you perform some work tasks such as giving a presentation or making a difficult phone call.

In almost every case, you have much more to offer potential mentees than you think you do. If you’re not a content or subject matter expert on the mentee’s desired goal, you can serve as an excellent learning broker.

Yet, you may not be the right choice at this time or for this individual. You’ll be doing some effective mentoring by explaining why and, if possible, directing the person to someone who would be a better candidate.

2. “I understand that my mentee is supposed to manage or drive our relationship. If I don’t hear from her/him, it is okay for me to initiate a call?”

By all means, make the call. Just because mentees are learning to seek and manage their own mentoring relationships, it doesn’t mean that mentors have to become passive. Many times mentees will be a little in awe of you. Your calling will be a gracious gesture to show that you’re interested. Talk with your mentee about both of your expectations, and gradually help your mentee learn to take the lead, at least most of the time.

You can also approach prospective mentees and offer your mentoring assistance. Try something like this: “I’ve noticed your ability to ____. If you’re ever interested, I could meet with you now and then to give you some additional coaching on that.” Even if you’re turned down, you’ll give the individual an opportunity (and courage) to approach you in the future.

3. “How should I handle my mentee’s manager? Should I call and introduce myself or ask for feedback on my mentee?”

You’re wise to pay attention to this important person in your mentee’s life. In fact, the manager is probably more important to the mentee’s success than you are right now. Talk about the issue with your mentee, and let your mentee decide your involvement. Some mentees prefer not to tell their managers about their mentors. Others like more of a team approach where the mentors and the mentees' managers confer. Help your mentee learn strategic ways to handle this “triangle,” and never approach the manager without the mentee’s permission.

Feel free to email your questions to us. We answer each request and will enjoy exchanging ideas with you. For several resources on being an effective mentor, see our Products and Archive.