A complaint we hear from numerous mentors is that their mentees don’t show enough initiative in their partnerships. This occurs even when mentees are taught in their training that they, not the mentors, should own and drive these relationships.

What’s going on? What can you do if your mentee is holding back, waiting for you to make all the decisions and initiate all the activities?

Note: The Mentoring Group recognizes that mentee-driven relationships are primarily a U.S. corporate phenomenon. Many cultures continue to be more comfortable with mentors taking the lead throughout the relationships while mentees follow. While we don’t want to push the U.S. business model for everyone, our experience is that when given the chance, mentees worldwide enjoy taking increasing responsibility for their lives and success. Look carefully at your situation, and consider the right thing to do. If indeed it makes sense to help your mentee become more self-initiating, read on.

24 Hours to Make a Difference

If you’re in a formal mentoring partnership (in a program or on your own), you’ll probably meet with your mentee in formal “mentoring sessions” only one or two hours a month. That means you’ll have about 12 to 24 hours (one day!) to be helpful in a typical year-long formal relationship. Given this short amount of time, your mentee needs to maximize every moment and take appropriate responsibility.

Suggestions for Helping Mentees Take Initiative

Showing Initiative is actually one of The Mentoring Group’s key mentee-specific mentoring skills. Here are some ideas for helping all your mentees grow in this area.

1. Handle the Awe Factor.
   
   Always remember that, as an authority figure in general and as a mentor in particular, your mentees may be slightly (or very) in awe of you. They don’t want to offend you, take advantage of your time, or otherwise ruin this unique opportunity. Do everything you can to reduce the awe factor. Appear enthusiastic and patient; don’t act rushed. Share times when you’ve made mistakes. Ask questions. Listen well and remember what your mentees tell you. Invite your mentees’ feedback on what you’re doing well and how you can improve in the relationship.
   
   
2. Set clear expectations.
   
   Early in your relationships, mention how you expect and look forward to their managing the process. Check to see how comfortable they feel about that. Give some examples, such as “I’d be delighted if you took the lead on scheduling our phone meetings and also on building the agenda for our discussion. With your okay, I’d like to give you feedback on how you do it. How does that sound?”
   
   
3. Resist the urge to take back the power.
   
   You may have times when you want to take the reins and run the relationship yourself. When mentees are hesitant, choose non-challenging (or too ambitious) goals, make a mistake, or are otherwise acting as new mentees, you may feel impatient and even frustrated. Resist saying, “Just do it this way.” Encourage them to take steps of their own. Even when they ask, try mentioning your experience rather than giving direct advice: “You’ve done a good job of exploring A, B, and C. I see that D is a major hurdle. One time when I faced D, I tried . . . .”
   
   
4. Help with specific goals and plans.
   
   Most new mentees struggle with what to work on with their mentors. Suggest that they develop personal visions and share them with you (Click here for some resources). Help them think of concrete goals based on their visions. Finally, help them develop at least a rough plan of how they’ll reach them during your partnerships.
   
   
5. Reinforce “initiating behaviors.”
   
   All of us, including your mentees, react well to sincere positive reinforcement. When you see your mentees showing appropriate initiative, comment on it. “I like how you took what we discussed last month and put your own twist on it in the meeting. It sounded better than the version I suggested!” Don’t wait until your mentees do a perfect job of initiating. Instead, reinforce attempts even if partial. “I know you’re working on being more assertive with your team. The fact that you set the goal and made a list of three things to try next week shows you’re on your way. Nice work.”
   
   
6. Help mentees measure progress.
   
   Help your mentees learn how to evaluate themselves. Although they’ll learn a great deal from hearing your feedback, the goal is for them to perform well without you. Suggest ways they can gauge progress. For example: “For your goal of Thinking More Strategically, what are two or three measures that will tell us you’re doing it more or better than you are now?” (Wait for their ideas. If they’re stuck, suggest an idea.) “On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being extremely strategic, where are you now and where do you want to be by the time we end our partnership?”

Continue to reinforce mentees for showing initiative, pointing out where you see progress that they may not. For more ideas on being an effective mentor, see our Archive and Products.